I was on the phone with my BFF “G”, saying that even though I’ve gotten rid of 95 bags and boxes of junk, I just didn’t feel different. She asked, “Do you have expectations?”

Expectations? I have great expectations! I expect the house to be clean and easier to maintain. I expect to be more organized and not lose things anymore. I expect clearing the house will cause a corresponding clearing of body clutter, that is, I’ll lose weight, quit craving sugar, have motivation to exercise and effortlessly do so. I expect to be focused, disciplined and dedicated. I expect to appreciate all the gifts in my life- my home, my job, and my health (which will improve exponentially as I declutter). I expect to be cheerful, clear-headed, attractive and sexy. I expect any number of potential Princes Charming to fall at my feet in adoration.

There was a stunned silence on “G”‘s end of the line. Then we both burst out laughing.

Okay, it probably isn’t out of line to expect the house to be cleaner and more organized as I clean and organize. But even I don’t need Dr. Ima Shrink to tell me what’s wrong with the rest of it.

1. Clearing the house of clutter will not cause me to lose weight. I know this because I’ve sometimes gone on a diet to clean the house. That didn’t work either.

2. I probably will be more focused, disciplined and dedicated as I continue decluttering the house, but only because I’m consciously practicing FOCUSING on one thing at a time, practicing the DISCIPLINE of keeping my commitments to myself, and DEDICATING time and energy toward the house clearing, and not quitting when it gets hard. These character traits are like muscles, and will become stronger as I use them.

3. Appreciation is another trait I’ve been consciously practicing, so that muscle will continue to develop, as well. And I won’t be such a crabby-pants. I mean, I’ll be more cheerful.

4. Prince Charming, hahahaha. If men start throwing themselves at my feet, I’m going to trip and hurt myself. Bad, bad idea. Anyway, I gave up downhill skiing after I took a bad fall and got a concussion. It took 2 concussions (figuratively speaking) sustained while dating to give up that infinitely more dangerous sport. I just don’t think I can handle any more brain injuries, but I could contact the VA and ask. They know more about my brain than I do.

Note to self: Focus, discipline, dedication, appreciation. Release great expectations. At least for today.

Stay tuned…