(After 2 weeks without internet, I’ve rejoined the 21st century. Thank goddess, I’m back).

I love cheeses. White cheese, yellow cheese, orange cheese, blue cheese – I love cheeses! That’s no surprise, as I live next door to Wisconsin, the Dairy State. Really, no matter what Minnesotans and Wisconsonites say, there is no difference between us. Well, Minnesotans never would’ve elected Scott Walker. Wait, we elected Tim Pawlenty. Yeah, no difference.

My Mom, in her final decade, became a Sant Singhi (spelling?). It’s an eastern India sect, that jived with her pantheistic, spiritualistic philosophy. I don’t believe that celibacy and vegetarianism are morally superior, as Sant Singhi espouses. I’m a pantheistic spiritualist, but I believe in earthy living, and I believe in the Force. I call myself a Geek Orthodox.

I didn’t want to know about Mom’s celibacy or lack thereof, but we shared the love of cheeses. Mom’s vegetarianism consisted mostly of cheese sandwiches. After a while, I thought of her as a Cheesatarian, more than a Sant Singhi. When she was on her death bed, we couldn’t find a Cheesatarian minister, or a Sant Singhi, so we got a nondenominational minister for her comfort. She surprised us all by asking for a priest. Well, she couldn’t eat cheese by then anyway.

I’ve rarely been let down by cheeses, but I was just recently disappointed. I bought a block of name-brand, extra sharp cheddar. I was so looking forward to that tangy taste, and that firm bite. When I sliced into it I found the texture and color to be consistent with that peel-and-stick, single-serving, faux American cheese. Unfortunately, the taste was also consistent. Gack! Fortunately, there are always at least 3 blocks of hard cheese in the fridge, and I was able to redeem my lunch without too much trauma.

I was driving home from a visit with my BFF “G” yesterday, when I decided to pull into the Pine Cheese Mart for my favorite car snack, cheese curds. I wish I could leave this post on a happier note, but this was their sign.

“NO MORE CHEESE. STOP IN FOR BREW SUPPLIES.”

No more cheese??? Jesus.

Stay tuned…