Toastmasters, Because I Love Toast

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I was getting ready to come home from Costa Rica with No.1 and No.2 Sis. They were talking about their membership in Toastmasters. I said I wanted to join, because who doesn’t love toast?

Of course, Toastmasters is about making speeches, not about making toast. Now that I’ll be joining  No.2 Sis’ Toastmaster club tomorrow, I’m having some feelings. And you know I hate feelings. Especially these feelings. Fear, anxiety, terror, PANIC!

I didn’t have trouble getting up and speaking in front of people until 7th grade. We had to make a speech in front the class about any topic. I gave a humorous speech about why cats are better pets than dogs. Apparently, I’m no Henny Youngman (Steve Martin? Chris Rock?) because it got no laughs at all.


Also, the teacher, a very mean and vicious nun (aren’t they all?) shamed me in front of the class for using a little off-color humor. Like the lack of laughs wasn’t humiliating enough.

Then in 9th grade, we all had to take a speech class. I researched the hell out of all my topics, and gave some very dry, humorless speeches. In a small, shaky voice. I’d get an A for prep and a C for delivery.

No.5 Bro was in the same class, and he’d just go up in front of the class and wing it (and even get laughs). He’d get a D for prep and an A for delivery. If only we’d been able to combine my research with his confidence.

So tomorrow I begin facing one of my biggest fears, public speaking. Even though he never joined Toastmasters, I think I need to call No.5 Bro for some tips. I hope none of them involve first getting stoned (not that my brother ever did that…wink, wink).

Stay tuned…


It’s Hard To Have Roommates

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No.2 Sis: Where’s the butter?

Me: By the toaster.

No.2 Sis: No. There’s an empty plate by the toaster.

Me: Maybe the butter’s gone?

No.2 Sis: We had two plates of butter. The clean plate and the messy plate. The empty plate is the messy plate.

Me: Is the empty plate round or square?

No.2 Sis: Square.

Me: That’s the clean plate. I finished off the messy plate a couple of days ago. Then the clean plate turned messy. And I finished that off too.

No.2 Sis: (low growl)

Me: It’s hard to have roommates. They will eat the butter while your back is turned.

I’ve been living with No.2 Sis since returning from Costa Rica 12 days ago. Besides eating all the butter, I’ve had a nasty cold. Bad roommate. Sis is avoiding me to avoid getting sick.

I have a new apartment lined up. It’s kind of cottagey, in that it has it’s own outside entrance, with a little porch. The manager told me I can plant whatever I want on the grounds near my unit. Isn’t that great? I don’t want to overdo, so I’ll start with a pot or two.

I told No.1 Sis that I was going to go without a car for as long as possible, as a money-saving measure. I lasted 8 days.

Since I loved my previous Honda, Gypsy Blue, I went to the nearest Honda dealer and started test-driving used cars. I drove a CRV (who informed me his name was Butch). I really liked him, but he had 109,000 miles on him. A little old for me.

Then I drove a 2013 Fit hatchback with 31,000 miles and the angels sang! I bought her immediately. I couldn’t pick her up for a few days though, since I didn’t think to arrange for insurance before-hand. Oops.

Insurance turned out to be a hassle. I had cancelled my policy when I went to Costa Rica, because I didn’t have a car there. Apparently, that flagged me as some sort of flake (imagine) to the insurance company, and they tripled my rate! I’ll go with Progressive for now. Thanks Flo!

I know you’re wondering what the name of the new car is. Her name is Baby. Awww!



Stay tuned…

P.S. I’m still answering salespeople and waitresses’ questions with si, and telling them gracias. That should wear off soon, right?




Gravity Checker

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Seen on Pinterest: I hate gravity. It always brings me down.

Gravity has brought me down a couple of times recently. The first time was in the grass, so I wasn’t hurt.

The second time, I was crossing the main road and tripped over absolutely nothing. And I went down hard, mostly on the more arthritic of my two knees. We were near a blind corner, so No.2 Sis quickly hauled me to my feet and I limped to the side of the road.

In a few days, the bruise blossomed into this.



I needed a vacation from Paradise.

Our good friend and Soul Sister, “V”, flew into Costa Rica to see us, and we all went to a rented house in Esterillos Oeste, near the Pacific coast.


We found the house on Airbnb. It was a Tico-American hybrid (had screens, but couldn’t flush the toilet paper) with three bedrooms, a refreshing pool, and an ocean view.



It also had a back veranda with a gorgeous jungle view, and a semi-feral veranda cat named “Buster”.

After we came home to San Luis, No.2 Sis wasn’t feeling well, so we asked our amigo/driver, Roberto, to take us to Liberia. No.2 was hospitalized, and No.1 and I found ourselves on a fiesta parade route any time we tried to do anything.



No.2 was released from the hospital a few days later, with a diagnosis (you’ll have to ask her) and about six prescriptions.

No.2 misses her house, her kids and her grandkids (not in that order). No.1 Sis and I were the only ones planning on staying in Costa Rica permanently anyway, but we’ve all decided to go back to the USA for good. We leave tomorrow.

I have mixed feelings about returning. On one hand, I’m worried about finances (the USA is so expensive) and the political climate (Goddess help us). On the other hand, I’m excited to see my women, my posse, my Soul Sisters (you know who you are)!

Home tomorrow!!!

Stay tuned…